


Keep Myself Alive

by Sassy_Dinosaur



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Suicide, Trigger Warning!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-12 13:13:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5667337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassy_Dinosaur/pseuds/Sassy_Dinosaur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What are we even fighting about?</p><p>I can’t remember…</p><p>Why are you heading for the door?</p><p>You’re leaving?</p><p>I’m sorry!</p><p> </p><p>I’ll do better!</p><p>Please come back!</p><p>What do I do now?</p><p> </p><p>~~~ MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS HERE!!! DON'T READ IF THIS WILL TRIGGER YOU!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Myself Alive

**Author's Note:**

> NOW UPDATED/FIXED
> 
> Inspired by Get Scared, Keep Myself Alive. 
> 
> This gif goes along...  
> https://38.media.tumblr.com/b9e6b88a344f14a020e09579088e57f4/tumblr_inline_o0m9sgfQwJ1tud7od_500.gif
> 
> Originally posted here:  
> http://sassy-0-dinosaur.tumblr.com/post/136858944350/keep-myself-alive
> 
> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS HERE!!! DON'T READ IF THIS WILL TRIGGER YOU!!!

_What are we even fighting about?_

_I_ _can’t remember…_

_Why are you heading for the door?_

_You’re leaving?_

_I_ _’m sorry!_

_I’ll do better!_

_Please come back!_

_What do I do now?_

 

**What are we even fighting about?**

Tony sat, numb, listening to Steve scold and yell at him once again. He couldn’t remember what for, but Steve wasn’t letting up. They’d been fighting a lot lately, and all of Tony’s bad, dark, thoughts and urges had come back.

“Tony? Are you even listening?” Tony looked at Steve’s face and saw only disappointment. He looked at the floor in shame. Tony had made the only person that loved him disappointed, yet again. Tony hated himself. Always had. He ruined every good thing he’s ever had; including his relationship with Steve.

 

**Why are you heading for the door?**

Tony watched in shock as Steve walked out the lab’s door. Something within himself shattered at the realization that he’d officially done it, he’d made Steve leave.

A tear ran down his cheek, then more, and more.

 

**I’ll do better!**

Tony wanted to run after Steve, beg and plead, promise that he’d do better this time, but it was no use. On shaky legs, Tony stumbled to the lab’s bathroom. He opened the mirror, revealing a medicine cabinet.

 

**What do I do now?**

Tony grabbed two bottles of pills at random, not looking at labels. He opened them and poured one, almost full, bottle into his palm. A few stray pills pinged when they hit the floor and sink.

Before putting the pills in his mouth he decided to read the label. The label revealed that it was Tony’s insomnia medicine a very high powered, very strong sleeping medication; he decided to take those last. Tony quickly put them back into the bottle and looked at the other one that he had grabbed. Diazepam, his anti-anxiety medication. Tony mentally shrugged as he grabbed the bottle and threw it back, dry swallowing as many pills as he could. When he began to choke on a few of the pills he decided to fill, now empty, pill bottle with water to help swallow down the rest. Adrenaline pumped through Tony’s veins as he held the bottle of sleeping pills again. Jarvis said something over the intercom but Tony ignored and muted him. With a shaking hand, Tony threw back the bottle of pills, and washed them down with another bottle full of water.

After all the pills gone down, Tony stared at himself in the mirror. He thought about his life as an Avenger and every mistake he’d ever made that risked one, or all, of his teammates lives.

As Tony stared in the mirror he felt his limbs get heavier and exhaustion from the insomnia medication start to set in. He stumbled out of the bathroom, using the wall as a crutch. Tony fell onto the couch he put in the lab for Steve, so they can hang out in there when Tony was too absorbed in his work to come out. The thought of Steve made Tony’s vision blurred with tears. He blinked a few times, but that quickly became too difficult. So, Tony let his eyes close and didn’t bother opening them again.

**Author's Note:**

> So, in my last suicide fic I said I was doing better... I don't know how true that is now, and that may be because of finals coming up and all. What I'm saying is, I needed to vent out my depression... and you just read it.
> 
> Please! PLEASE!  
> tell someone if you are thinking of killing yourself. I know it seems like everything in the world is shit and not worth it. Believe me I do.. and I'm not gonna give you the "it gets better" bullshit. It just gets easier to manage.  
> Your life is worth it. I promise.


End file.
